for the past few years i find i have been struggling with getting attached to people. heavily.

i find it bothersome because that attachment is more than just normal infatuation with a person. i wish to worship the ground they walk on. i cannot do anything when they're gone. they're my only reason to get out of bed and do anything. nothing compares to the ecstasy of having them by my side. whenever they text me i drop everything im doing just to talk with them... god i am so pathetic. i want them all for myself but i know i can't... and it makes me sad </3.

i really don't see the world beyond them. i have been neglecting so many things lately because i cannot get them off my mind. it's terrible, god, it's terrible.

that admiration is eating me from the inside. it's crawling through my veins. clawing on my tissue. sinking it's fangs deep and ruthless, tearing apart what is left of me. but god, do i love the pain. the only thing it does is make me heal my wounds faster. that destruction is welcome, so i am willing to overlook the damage. i will just sew it all neatly, thoroughly, and wait for it to get split into pieces again. i can't do anything about it. i don't want to. if those are the consequences of euphoria then so be it. i can't throw it away now.

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